Being on the island for 4 months now, I have met many people
all with their stories of how they came to Cayman. Known for its secrecy, a
tiny island in the middle of the Caribbean, it would be easy to hide away from
life, start afresh and forget your past life. It’s easy to see why not one but
a handful of people have asked ‘what I’m running away from?’
Puzzled and quite offended, I start to question my presence
in Cayman. Why should I be running from anything? I love England and I’m very
grateful for the life I had there! I came to Cayman in hope of change. My life
was following a dull routine and I had no enthusiasm. The only pleasure I got
was from globe hopping every 6 weeks. The excitement at the airport was wearing
thin as the onset of anxiety would set in on my flight home.
Enough.
Complaining is only helpful when the acknowledgment of
unhappiness/anger/sadness/frustration leads to a change in your situation.
I value my past; I acknowledge that all events and as a
result the lessons learnt in 30 years have bought me here. It’s very easy to
diminish the importance of our past and look at our history with a critical
eye. We see the mistakes, we see what we think we should have known, what we think
we could have done better but I appreciate that the reason I can see so clearly
now is because of my past and no matter how painful the lessons have been, they
have taught me something that’s either helping me now or will do so in the
future. In all honesty and I’m certain this is true for others… It has been the
most painful events of my past that have bought about the ability to persevere,
be kind, appreciate and love the people in my life and have an optimism and
almost bravery for my future.
Traveling to some of the most beautiful parts of the world
and being entirely present wherever I am has enabled me to not forget my past
but to appreciate its importance and to leave it exactly there…In the past. It’s
something I cannot change and nor do I want to.
This is exactly how I live my life. I am constantly
gravitating towards something new, exciting, that brings about love and
serenity in my heart. New experiences have never scared me. The not knowing where
my life was heading when I moved to London…Travelled to India…Boarded a flight
to Cayman made my journey even more exciting. We are constantly evolving as
individuals therefore we should not stay in one place.
I also get that I’m ‘searching for something.’ I have tried
hard to uncover what exactly I am searching for and I can hand on heart say
that I have everything I need, I don’t want for anything in particular. But I
guess happiness is all anyone wants? Right? In what shape or form that takes I
don’t know but I will continue to live my life following my heart and I suppose
the voice upstairs will be acknowledged.
I have come to recognise that everyone, even that person you
feel is perfect has 'issues.' I hate using the
phrase issues as that indicates that they are a problem in your life now. But
we all have baggage; stories that make us feel vulnerable and exposed. And the
only reason we sometimes hide from this past is because we fear other’s
judgement.
'We are products of our upbringing but the navigators steering our future.'
EL Winter
